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The One Thing I Wanted to Hear

The one thing I wanted to hear as an adopted child in an all white family during a troubled time of defining who I was and where I belonged was,
"You are different. You come from a different country, rich with heritage and the spirits of your ancestors. You carry that within your soul, and in your appearance. You were an orphan. It is tragic to lose your mother, father - the brothers, sisters you may have. You  carry a sorrow of war and separation like those in your country of birth. You need time to grieve.

You were adopted by us. The world is a wide and varied place. You now live with us and we love each other, love having no boundaries. Others may never learn this, or understand it. It is a gift to treasure if one is lucky enough to know this. A gift to all of us.

Because we love, the hardest road is over. You have our support to explore your heritage and share in ours. It is also yours. You have our support to one day search for your biological family. We are also your family. We don't expect you to be like us. We want you to be yourself, but you are never by yourself.

There are many people adopted just like you and we will help you meet them."

--- Indigo Williams (Thuy Thi Diep Huynh), Group Organiser: Adopted Vietnamese Australians and Adopted Vietnamese International

Copyright © Indigo Williams Willing, All Rights Reserved



The Lucky One

People often say how lucky my little brother is. See, he was an orphan in the Russian Federation until my parents adopted him.

Imagine a five year old little boy who didn't know how to play with the simplest toys, couldn't eat with silverware, wasn't able to color a picture, and had never even seen the moon or stars.

Even though he grew up in the middle of Russia he had never touched snow.
He wasn't even able to talk very much.
My brother had never ridden in a car, seen a horse or a cow, eaten ice cream, or been to the park.
Even worse, he did not have enough to eat or adequate clothes to wear.
He had spent the majority of his five years cold and hungry.
Not because no one cared but because there were too many to care for.

He had never been held or rocked to sleep.
This little boy had no mommy to wipe his tears, or pick him up when he fell down.
No one was there to read him bedtime stories or hold him when he was sick or afraid.
There was never even any praise for a job well done.
No one put his pictures on the refrigerator and gazed at them proudly everyday.
Worst of all, he had never been loved.

So when people tell me that my brother is lucky, I say no, I'm the lucky one.

I am the one whose mom and dad held me when I cried, and kissed and hugged me everyday.
They watched me blow out my birthday candles year after year.
My parents fed me and made sure I had the clothes and education that I needed.
Most of all, my mom and dad loved me every minute of every hour of every day.

I am the lucky one not because I got out of the orphanage, when so many never do, but because: I was never there.

Certainly, I am even luckier now because this little Russian boy, who was so unlucky in life, is now my precious little brother.

--- April Lanning, age 12
Copyright © April Lanning, All Rights Reserved



Questions about being a Christian *and* a Single Adoptive Parent

(Written in response to someone's friend saying - singles should not adopt)

Since your thread specifically asked about faith and adoption, I'd like to share a couple thoughts about just that. If they make anyone uncomfortable, well you've been alerted to the presence of faith conversation ahead of time... I intend to mention the Bible in this conversation.

You specifically identified yourself as a Christian. You may know or be interested in knowing first, that the Bible doesn't say anything that prevents a single person from adopting. Not a single thing. I write that as a seminary graduate.

It does hold up a man and woman as God's ideal plan. That in itself  does not prevent single adoption. Your situation - adopting an existing child without a mother or father is quite different than  bringing a child into the world on your own as a single mom. That is way outside the scope of your question, so I will set that aside.

As someone mentioned above, this isn't an ideal world. One look at kids in a Children's Home will cement that in your mind. So what is the "right" thing to do for them? When the Bible is silent on a topic, it doesn't mean there is no guidance. One of the main principles of the NT that I've found excellent for untangling knots is the following...

This is the main thing I would want to say to you if I was there talking over coffee... 

What is the most redemptive thing you can do now?

Is it redemptive to leave people in their suffering? To deny them a Mom just because they can't get a father too? You can answer that for yourself, but to me the answer is clearly NO. It is far more redemptive to ... REDEEM THEM from suffering and place them in a family - yours. Frankly, what is their alternative? Do they have any alternative that is redeeming? I would like to hear an argument that it is better to deny them a mom because they didn't get a matched set of parents initially. It would be an unconvincing argument - and would not be based on an admonition from scripture. I don't find arguments from silence very convincing anyway...

In the meantime, there is the very real need of at least 750,000 kids [in Russia] without homes. If all two parent homes were willing to take one, there wouldn't be enough kids to spread around, but that doesn't happen.

And a very large number of older kids are dumped on the streets every year and another whole crop of young kids are put in homes each year. The problem continues with no answer in sight.

Would your priest or pastor argue that they should stay in their suffering? I suspect that he wouldn't, if he really wrestled through this. I believe his comments were short-sighted, but people in his position are under such stress. It may be that he has never really thought this through. Nor would I let his position - whether a conviction or ill thought through - bother me. Or he may be unreasonable. You don't say, so I am giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Psalm 68:6 says, "God sets the lonely in families. He brings out the prisoners with singing..."
And so he does in your child's case. And by the way, I am speaking as a Christian, but this is also a portion of the Hebrew scriptures.

It is also worth remembering that Moses was adopted and raised by Pharoah's daughter - and there is no evidence she was married. No doubt you know the blessing of God in Moses' life. Scripture says God did this to provide for the deliverance of Israel and the blessing of the world. Don't miss that God put his chosen deliverer in the home of a single woman. No doubt Moses had the influence of men in his life in Pharoah's home. But his "Egyptian" mom was single to my knowledge.

Was God wrong to do this? No, He's never wrong. Never immoral.

I want to affirm that you are doing a wonderfully redemptive thing in the life of your child. There are great men around who would be willing to have a significant male presence in your child's life.

blessings to you and your child,

--- Dave Lucca
Copyright © Dave Lucca, All Rights Reserved



We Pray for Children

We pray for children who put chocolate fingers everywhere,
who like to be tickled,
who stomp in puddles and ruin their new pants,
who sneak popsicles before supper, who erase holds in math workbooks,
who never can find their shoes....

And we pray for those who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,
who can't bounce down the street in a new pair of sneakers,
who never "counted potatoes,"
who are born in places we wouldn't be caught dead,
who never go to the circus,
who live in an X-rated world.

We pray for children who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
who sleep with the dog and bury goldfish,
who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money,
who cover themselves with Band-Aids and sing off key,
who squeeze toothpaste all over the sink,
who slurp their soup....

And we pray for those who never get dessert,
who have no safe blanket to drag behind them,
who watch their parents watch them die,
who can't find any bread to steal,
who don't have any rooms to clean up,
who pictures are not on anyone's dresser,
whose monsters are real...

We pray for children who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
who like ghost stories,
who shove dirty clothes under the bed and never rinse out the tub,
who love visits from the tooth fairy,
who don't like to be kissed in front of the school bus,
who squirm in church or temple and scream in the phone....

And we pray for those whose nightmares come in the daytime,
who will eat anything,
who have never seen a dentist,
who aren't spoiled by anybody,
who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
who live and move, but have no being.

We pray for children who want to be carried,
for those who must,
for those we never give up on,
for those who don't have a second chance
for those we smother
....and those who will grab the hand of anyone kind enough to offer it.

--- Ina J Hughes  © 1985 & 1995

Copyright © Ina J. Hughes, All Rights Reserved



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